Victor Borge Quotes

Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.

The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.

And now, in honour of the 150th anniversary of Beethoven’s death, I would like to play ‘Clear the Saloon’, er, ‘Clair de Lune’, by Debussy. I don’t play Beethoven so well, but I play Debussy very badly, and Beethoven would have liked that.

I only know two pieces; one is ‘Clair de Lune’ and the other one isn’t.

My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it.

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

Did you know that Mozart had no arms and no legs? I’ve seen statues of him on people’s pianos.

What is the difference between a Nazi and a dog?The Nazi lifts his arm.

The conductor is a peculiar person. He turns his back on his friends in the audience, shakes a stick at his players in the orchestra, and then wonders why nobody loves him.

He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t.

The oboe sounds like a clarinet with a cold.

Mendelssohn never wrote any Water Music. However, he wrote the Scotch Symphony, which is even better, or at least stronger.

Humor is something that thrives between man’s aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.

If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that’s my reward.

What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.